Monday, Jan. 26, 2004 - 2:30 p.m.
Coping and Re-adjusting
I'm slowly re-adjusting to life back in Seattle. It's so crazy that I spent a year and 4 months missing it like crazy (and my friends and family here) and now I spend a lot of time missing Cuenca and traveling on the road! I really want to go back to South America and was thinking I'd do so in Feb until I learned that I'm not only broke, I'm in debt! So now I'm job hunting and (hopefully) soon to be working to pay off my debt and save up money so I can go back to CEDEI, or at least someplace in S.America. Now I'm considering going back this spring, provided I can work out the finances by then! But the longer it's taken me to find work and the bigger the G.D. credit card bills get, the more elusive my next traveling adventure becomes. (Remember those cash advances during my travels being my only access to my funds?)
I had a fantastic journey, it was amazing and brilliant and my emotions get so mixed it's hard to keep them straight. I've finally got all of the 68 rolls of film developed. Looking over my photos has brought back many happy memories which now warm and ache in my heart at the same time.
It's difficult to sum up my South American experience into convenient one or two word phrases or sentences that acurately convey how enriching and wonderful and thrilling and challenging and crazy and fantastic it was. I can just say that it was the best time of my life and it will be hard to top.
I know the re-adjustment process is dealing with a lot of change that happens in a short amount of time. I'm mourning the loss of the greatest time in my life, the freedom, independence and daily excitement of traveling, as well as dealing with all the physical changes of home and emotional changes within me. I relate to what one ex-Peace Corps volunteer said after 2 years in Columbia: "My problem is that I'm twenty-three years old and I've already had the experience of a lfetime."
I'm trying to cope with life in the USA again, with all the conveniences and headaches, trying (and failing) not to get disillusioned with the over- consumerism, commercialization, hypocracy of politics and the present state of our economy (but believe me, we're not the only country! Everyone is hurting!). I feel worn down with the realities and BS of lacking health insurance, being unemployed, evil credit card companies, rising gas prices and cost of living, as well as the entho-centric attitudes of our society.
Our country tends to believe our way of life is better than the rest of the world, and people ask me why I want to go back to South America. We do have a lot of conveniences and great medical care (for those who can afford it), we have an extensive entertainment industry and things might not be as "inefficient" when it comes to infrastructure and we are one of the most developed countries in the world. However, in my international travels I have witnessed, on average, people with less monetary wealth, but greater joy within their soul. I've seen a stronger sense of family and community which I suspect the lack of is slowly undermining our own society. In South America I have a job and a place to live. I don't have to worry about credit card bills or dealing with health insurance companies. I have friends in Cuenca, both gringos and locals. I can further my experience teaching English and continue to learn Spanish. Cuenca is a beautiful, magical place. Maybe as the time I've been away has increased, I've been romanticizing my experience there. Perhaps if and when I'll go back I'll suddenly be reminded of all the things that drove me crazy living there. But I'm starting to wonder if maybe I'm more cut out to live the life of an ex-patriot. Probably not in Ecuador, maybe not in South America. However, right now it's looking a lot more appealing to live outside the country, especially with the prospects of another 4 years of George W. Bush as president. It would be a lot easier to run away and hide and not deal with our complicated, work-obsessed, sometimes hypocritical, overly-stressed-out way of life. I'm trained and can teach English almost anywhere in the world. However I currently feel STUCK because I have no income or savings to afford to GO anywhere. Besides, I feel that I've neglected my friends and family in Seattle long enough that they would probably murder me if I didn't at least spend a few months at home before leaving the Nothern Hemisphere again. I don't get much sympathy from them when I need to vent about being STUCK here. Besides, I *LIKE* my hometown, I'm proud to be a Seattle native. There's worse places in the world to be stuck in. However anyone who enjoys traveling understands when I mention getting "itchy feet", my eyes glazing over if I get a view of the wide horizon or the Puget Sound, and I dream of where I may be headed to next.
