Monday, Apr. 26, 2004 - 2:36 p.m.
The Appearance of Assimilating
Life keeps happening even when you make other plans...
…or however the saying goes...
A lot has happened in the last 5 weeks since my last post. The biggest change is that I am now back in school and I (finally) got a job.
I am taking pre-requisite classes at Shoreline Community College in preparation for the U of Washington's MIT program, although I can't apply for the program until March '05, to begin in Jan '06. I still plan to apply to the Peace Corps and then I'll defer admission to the UW program until my return.
I also started volunteering at the Ronald McDonald House for families with children of terminal illnesses (usually cancer). From that grew an on-call House Manager position that I just completed training for. I don't know how many hours it will be, but I do hope it will open up to more hours or a full time position in the future.
So, for now, I am swamped with schoolwork, working and life in general. I feel that I have the appearance of having assimilated back into American society. Yet I know I haven't completely. I still get heartaches when I think about Ecuador, South America and the friends I made down there. Some of them have moved on, either returning home to their native countries, some are still traveling and others are still there. I sometimes think about my Ecuadorian friends, whom I had told I would try to return to in February. I wonder if they think that I've forgotten them? Sometimes I worry because I haven't finished my travel journal--there's still about 3 weeks missing from Santiago to Ushuaia--I don't recommend ever putting off a travel journal until after returning home...there are too many distractions and time and distance make the details of memories turn fuzzy way too fast.
School has definitely been a substantial distraction from readjustment, although I am occasionally reminded that I am not finished yet, as much as I'd like to be. There is a piece of me that still seeks that elusive closure that I don't think will ever completely occur. But maybe that's the nature of life. If I had full closure, maybe my heart would become forgetful of that incredible chapter in my life.
Sometimes I fervently listen to the songs that will forever remind me of South America. Somedays I look at the photos and welcome the memories. Other times I try to shut it out completely because it hurts too much. Sometimes out of nowhere a memory will emerge within the dusty confines of my brain. A smile or a tear will result from within. Laughter and pain intermingle with the memories.
I am not seeking pity, only understanding. And what I know is even more important is that we as US Americans try to understand other people, other cultures and societies. Especially at this time of international tensions.
And if this is how I feel about 14 months in South America, how much more intense will my potential Peace Corps experience be? I embrace and recoil from it at the same time.
